Chaplaincy Ministry

Most of you know that my husband is in full time ministry as a chaplain for the State of Texas.

It is not a ministry for everyone, it is as much of a calling as any, though a large part of the church today has no real idea what exactly a chaplain is and unfortunately it has been viewed by some as not a ministry at all, my husband has been asked on more then one occasion "why he has left the ministry" in truth he is up to his eyeballs in ministry, he is a licensed, ordained and commissioned minister of the Gospel. Recently one of the Chaplains from another area in Texas retired after many years at his post, he sent a letter that I would like to share below it is entitled a:

 "Chaplains Prayer"

"Oh Father in heaven Holy is your name.

I remember when I perceived your call to be one of your shepherds

I was confused and excited. It seemed a call that was mysterious to me and

unrelated to any life path I would have chosen for myself.

In the beginning my vision and dream was to shepherd one of those grand flocks with many healthy sheep on broad green pastures and clean clear waters.

I was surprised and dismayed to find myself shepherd to this little flock. It is poor, small, and unattractive. It is not a flock one would boast about. It is of the smallest, poorest, lame, sick, halt wounded and blemished sheep that no one would desire.

I was confused Lord. Why had you put in this place over this flock?

Had I done something to disappoint you? Had I committed some terrible sin,

 or failed to measure up? 

I discovered over time that this little flock needed the most love, attention and care. The ground is harder. The hills are higher and more rugged. The paths are narrower, and the grazing much harder to find. It is a difficult path for the shepherd and the sheep.

All of these sheep are your sheep and in your care. And maybe they are the most precious sheep of all, unloved and disregarded by all, except by you alone.

It was a higher calling to shepherd this flock, than any of the flocks, Lord, that you could have placed in my care.

I am humbled that you have chosen me to shepherd this little   flock....

Amen

I have decided to have this prayer printed and framed to hang on Stephen's office wall,

a reminder of what kind of ministry we have been called to and just how much the Lord loves us and the little flock he has entrusted to our care....

"More then Conquers"

Driving to work the other morning I start thinking about the recent death of my youngest brother Charlie and then the death of an old friend only days ago and I can hear the words below as the song "who am I" plays on the radio. In that moment I happen to glance upwards and catch a huge bird of prey soaring above,  before I could blink  a sparrow, a tiny little bird, even smaller in contrast to the huge soaring bird of prey, lands on the back of this seemingly ominous predator. not only saved from peril but allowed to soar through the sky in away only a bird 10 times its size ever could....... The scripture and the title to this post floated through my mind "More then Conquers"   

"I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow.
A wave tossed in the ocean.
A vapor in the wind.
Still You hear me when I'm calling.
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling.
And You've told me who I am.
I am Yours, I am Yours."

God’s Everlasting Love

³¹ What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? ³² He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things? ³³ Who shall bring a charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies. ³⁴ Who is he who condemns? It is Christ who died, and furthermore is also risen, who is even at the right hand of God, who also makes intercession for us. ³⁵ Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? ³⁶ As it is written:

“For Your sake we are killed all day long;
We are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.”^[c]

³⁷ Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. ³⁸ For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, ³⁹ nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord

The way I see it........

From my perspective, the view from my front porch.....

The Testimony

The Testimony

In the beginning they called me Little Janie. I have four brothers and three sisters. I am named after my mother and grandmother. 

My mother was a woman with many regrets and few answers. I am convinced that she died with out ever fully understanding what she could have done differently. She died alone at the age of fifty four, I believe that she died of a broken heart.

I am reminded of a quote by Norman Cousins; “Death itself is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss in life is what dies within us as we live”.

I recall vividly a childhood defined by poverty. We never had enough of anything.
I was a quite child; keeping to myself. I was sensitive and extremely shy.

I remember picking wild flowers and talking to God; back then whispering to God was a lot like most of us would talk to a dear friend.

At the age of eleven I went to live with my sister and her husband and their two toddler children. Shortly after, I was robbed of my innocents....

Not yet twelve and seeking a safe place to stay. I moved from New York to California to live with my oldest sister and her husband and three children.

  A few months later I moved with my sister and her family from California to Florida.

It was Christmas Eve night when I awoke to someone touching me, seeing only shadows......

Speaking  into the darkness, my voice ringing with a strength I did not feel, I exclaimed; “I do not care who you are just leave this room and leave me alone”. the shadow dropping to the floor and crawling to the door.

The squeaking of a door, followed by a faint light as it casts its glow upon the figure of a naked man... I watched as my sister’s husband crawled from the room. I was shaking and crying softly, feeling alone and confused. I whispered to God, or perhaps only to myself; “Is their no safe place?”

I was all of twelve years old when I met Chucke. He was two weeks out of the federal penitentiary and twenty years my senior. He offered me a ride, my name would become Baby Jane for the next five or so years.

 I had my fourteenth birthday in a bar, and every birthday until I turned twenty- two would be in a bar.

There is something very difficult about knowing the whole world can openly see you for what you are. It was hard to accept that what I was; was unacceptable. Memories of dark smoked filled places plagued my soul, a sea of countless, nameless faces. Faces that the darkness some how only seemed to intensify. Leering, laughing, lusting, mocking, distorted mounds of flesh, that in the light of day some how become normal everyday husbands, lawyers, doctors and deacons.

There was a period of my life in the haze of all this madness that I willfully participated in things that previously were forced upon me. I believe that deep down I was on a quest to destroy myself. I remember being angry at God. I felt robbed, cheated, and violated. I am not sure if these feelings all came at once or if it was with each new endeavor to drown, to run, too hide. 

I eventually found the courage, strength, gumption, common sense, what ever you want to call it and separated my self from Chucke. He took a bus to Mississippi . He met and married an eighteen year old , had a baby and then drowned in the Mississippi river all with in the same year.

I on the other hand was seventeen feeling like I had survived some horrible tragedy. It was not until years later that I would think to take an inventory to be sure I had all the parts left to function normally.

I was nineteen when my family contacted me in Dallas Texas to inform me of my mother’s death. It was upon the reflection of my mother’s life that I suddenly developed a thirst for the truth.
Through a series of events that undeniable trace the hand of God; I found my self reading the bible.

My first scripture was in Corinthians; “One may plant and one may water, but only God can make it grow” (loosely translated). I remember feeling relieved. Thinking that what I just read implied that all of this was in God’s hands.

In the beginning, reading God’s word was a lot like standing on the outside of a beautiful house peeking through a window, watching; fascinated by the lives within. I longed to be in that beautiful house, to come home to such a place, to belong.

My thirst for God and my quest for the truth brought me to the Holy Land . I was twenty two years old as I stood on the Mount of Olives ; recalling a time that I stood on Hollywood and Vine. On this day God’s word for me began its transformation from that beautiful house I longed to be inside of, to a loving, merciful God that was heart broken over my absence.

I was baptized at the Jordon River on the way to Galilee . My baptism for me was the first step toward God. It was in my heart of hearts that I saw myself standing at the river’s edge, as the waters of my life raged by. I looked across this chasm that seemingly was beyond human possibilities to cross and with the eyes of my heart saw the Lord inviting me, “drawing me near” whispering my name, urging me to trust.
I am reminded of the following scriptures:
John 6: 44
“No one can come to me unless the father who sent me draws him”.
John 10:27-28
“My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me; and I give unto them eternal life; and they shall never perish, neither shall any man pluck them out of my hand”.

It was a few months after taking that first step toward the Lord; when I discovered the bridge that God had provided for me to get from where I was to an intimate meaningful relationship with Himself.
It was the cross.
“For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross. Once you were enemies in your minds because of your evil behavior. But now he has reconciled you by Christ’s physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation—if you continue in your faith, established and firm, not moved from the hope held out in the gospel. Colossians 1: 19-23
“You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly”. “God demonstrated his love for us in this; while we were still sinners, Christ died for us”. Romans 5:6; 8

I was invited to a small country church service. I felt uncomfortable. Inside the feelings of being different from every one else were raging strong. They all looked like such good people they could never understand how God could ever love someone like me. My thoughts rapidly did battle with the gospel being preached I was so convinced I would be rejected I could not publicly go forward.
A man was invited to the pulpit, he shared his testimony. He was a missionary from Africa . He had a story not unlike that of my own. I started thinking if God would transform his life then maybe there was hope for me.
Alone, that night in my car, I gave my heart to Jesus. He took all the pieces that were left of me and began the process of making me whole and complete in him.
“If you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord”, and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved. As the scripture says, “Anyone who trusts in him will never be put to shame”. Romans 10: 9-11
“Therefore if any one is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new”. 2Corinthians 5; 17
The night I gave my life to Jesus was almost thirty years ago and a lot has happened.

“The Lord is close to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” Psalm 34:18;  Nothing that has ever happened in my life could keep me from God’s unfailing love.
“No in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither life nor death, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord” Romans 8:37

I was blessed to be in a wonderful church and the Lord surrounded me with beautiful Christian people that became the model of a healthy family.
The relationships we shared with one another is best reflected in the following; taken from a book of poetry given to me by a sweet lady the Lord brought into my life. “She listened with her whole heart, as I had known she would, and then she said softly, when you cry I taste the salt”. This relationship introduced to me the notion of true intimacy. She walked with me to the darkest places inside my soul and afterwards as I looked at her I could only see the love of Jesus reflected back at me. Then the Lord brought My dear husband Stephen into my life. We were married in June of 98.
I will share briefly from our vows; “From deep within I heard a whisper of certainty, a melody without words. You are the one; it sings to my soul. Your smile alone reaches me in places I’ve never known. My hope is in God, that his love will carry us through. It is my prayer that our love will not only endure, but grow with the many tests of time. My desire will be for you Stephen, my husband, and no higher calling could I find”.
Shortly after our marriage I became a minister’s wife.
“And we know that all things work together for the good of them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose”. Romans 8:28;

Upon learning that only a few months into our marriage I had conceived and was losing the life that struggled to live within me, my spirit was crushed.
Stephen was at my side the whole time, he prayed with me, he cried with me; but it was when he washed my hair that something inside of me broke. God was, loving me through my husband in a way I had never experienced, taking another horrific moment in my life and holding me close.

“The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life and that they might have it more abundantly” John10:10
“Praise be; to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows”. 2 Corinthians 1: 3-5

I have shared my heart with all of you today because I want each of you to know how precious God’s thoughts are toward you. I want you to see that God is still a God of miracles, a God of mercy.
“For God did not send his son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. Who ever believes, in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already”. John 3: 17-18

My story is not uncommon; we live in a fallen, depraved world. All of us fall short of the glory of God and his righteousness.

John 4: 4-42 is the story about the woman at the well. It speaks of the many Samaritan’s believing in Jesus because of the woman who testified “come and meet the man who told me all I ever did; could this be the Messiah”? But it also says that many more believed because of; His own word. They said; “For we have heard Him ourselves and know that indeed he is the Christ, the savior of the world”

 I tell you my story for the same reason the woman at the well told hers; so that you might believe, so that you might see and hear for yourselves.......

Random Thoughts

Hurrying toward the grocery store from work, one driver after the other, irritating me. All of us in a rush to pursue and accomplish similar mundane tasks.

It was a late Friday evening as I dashed into an over crowded store only a block or so from my home. Still plagued and assaulted by the same irritating relentless negative thoughts, (where are all these people coming from, the world is just so over populated, I hate living here.....), and so on.
I managed to maneuver around and through the sea of people inside the store, never making eye contact, as I gathered my items, payed for them and left.
Scurrying quickly past the lady who upon my entrance had thrust into my hand, yet another flier, asking for food for the hungry. More negative thoughts swirled in my head, as I rushed to my vehicle.

I was pulling out of the parking lot when I noticed her, she was one of those people that live in my neighborhood at the salvation army apartments for people with disabilities. She like many who live there get around on one of those scooter type chairs.
It was just about dark as I turned out onto the busy road, I noticed out of the corner of my eye that she was waving her arms about.
At first I thought  she was waving to some people waiting on a bus across the street, but  past all those negative thoughts from earlier and just beyond my desire to get home, I knew I had to make the block and see if this person required assistance.

AS I made my now second approach, I pulled my truck over. Walking toward the woman I realized her predicament, her back wheels were stuck and spinning in the gravel she was surrounded by.

A simple push freed her from the circumstance she struggled against only a moment before.

Through her attempt of communication I knew she had suffered from some type of stroke or brain injury and that this impeded her mobility and her speech. She was able to say she was OK, as she sped off toward the road.
Returning to my vehicle. I now had more thoughts to contend with, but not before I watched, as the lady I just helped free, pulled out onto a dark busy road, my heart in my throat, as some cars stopped with in inches of impact, while others zoomed past in a blur, oblivious to the peril and havoc they were only inches from creating.
The woman successfully crossed the street, just as the prayer, I was unconsciously uttering slipped from my breath.
I looked for her as I turned off the main road, many of the residence use the street my home is on to safely get to the store and back, but I did not see her, I can only assume she made it safely to her destination.

The thought of her possibly being stuck in that gravel as darkness fell around her, as we, all of us, rushed past in pursuit of our meaningless, insignificant tasks, conjures within me a restlessness, a conviction of soul.

The image of this woman in my minds eye, as she struggles, seemingly in vain, flailing her arms about, doing the only thing she could physically do; staving off, I am sure, her own relentless thoughts of panic and fear, is an image that thankfully has no comfortable place to rest .....

My own flesh, apparently alive and well, sin still  lurking, waiting ever so patiently to slip in unnoticed, seizing every opportunity to direct my thoughts, birthing within me a self serving tunnel vision, robbing and stealing even; ( or perhaps especially), all those moments when I slip into auto pilot, going through the motions, forgetting who  I am, and why I breath.... and in this refusal to deny myself, forfeiting again and again all of the wonderful opportunities He gives me, to bless another human being, and in this,  I miss out on an even sweeter fellowship, the fellowship I  have in Him, as I move. and live, and have my being.....    

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